Dear parents of the world,
I understand that you love your children and think that they are precious or whatever. The cold hard truth is something different.
Your children are gross walking bags of germs hell-bent on getting anything that educates them infected with their cooties. Good job birthing the most effective means of biological warfare. I’m still not sure why you declared this war on teachers, but you’ve clearly decided to make tiny people so that you could ensure that I would have a perpetual cold.
Congratulations on a job well done.